I remember being very young and standing in the bathroom with my parents (and all my siblings in the background giggling), telling them very soberly that it was not me who had drawn on the wall. I remember the distinct feeling of guilt that I felt inside the entire time because it really was me who had written on the wall. Inside my conscience was unsettled even though my physical body stood there very seriously insisting that I was innocent.
I remember being at my Grandmother's home when I was little and joking around about a terrible car accident that had just happened and my Grandmother scolding me for being so inconsiderate, and again that unsettled feeling came.
I remember being a teenager and being out past midnight with friends on a few occasions and not even enjoying myself because inside I felt worried knowing that I was supposed to be home.
Honestly, the list of all the times that I felt this guilty conscience could go on and on, but somewhere along the path I got better and better at ignoring it as soon as it came. Usually I would find some kind of activity to distract myself and over time I became less aware of it. Once I became a mother it seemed to come back (maybe Heavenly Father knew I would need extra guidance since I lacked good parenting skills or maybe I was finally humble enough to listen, I don't know). For whatever reason though, I became more aware of it. It seemed if I gossiped about someone I would feel sick inside until I apologized to the person, the Lord, and learned from the lesson so I would not repeat it. Often I would feel that anxious, unsettled feeling again when I was shopping. Every time I made a frivolous purchase I would feel bad about it and have to go through the hassle of going back into the store and returning the item and apologizing to Heavenly Father for not using the resources He had blessed me with more wisely. Some days it seemed as though nothing I did was right and I would constantly be on my knees asking for forgiveness, but I just kept going through the steps of repentance and every time I felt a complete relief and happiness come through me and my pained conscience would become clear and at peace. This is when I came to understand who Jesus Christ is. This is when I came to know Him personally. This is when He became real to me, not just someone we talk about on Sundays at church or read about in the scriptures, He became my personal Savior. He rescued me each time I lost my temper, each time I was ungrateful or judgemental, or dishonest, each time I had a prideful or selfish thought. He was constantly there to take it all from me if I turned to him with a broken heart and contrite spirit.
This feeling of an unsettled conscience became my alarm system. Every time I felt it I knew it was my Savior alerting me that I just stepped off His path and needed to fix the problem and come back. I began to wonder how it worked, it didn't seem that it could be the Holy Ghost because the feeling of the Holy Ghost felt different to me. Somehow in all my searching I came across Moroni 7 and learned about the role of the Light of Christ. It all made sense to me and I have used it as my guide ever since. I had no clue where this would lead, I just knew that I felt good following that feeling inside.
The more I followed it the more aware of my weaknesses I became. It seemed I no longer had to buy something frivolous at the store before I felt bad, I could just think about buying something impractical and already that unsettled feeling would come before I even placed the item in my cart. It became a warning guide that I learned I could count on and I learned that I felt good when I was obedient to it.
Many of us live lives that are too busy and too loud. We slow down too seldom to just FEEL. It is unfortunate because that is how the Lord communicates to our souls - through our feelings. Ignoring those feelings are in essence, ignoring Him.
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