The Thorn in MY flesh

I used to work as a fitness trainer helping people overcome life-long habits of poor health.  There were many times that I listened as someone expressed their difficulty with overcoming cravings for unhealthy food.  I could see that these people were so sincerely wanting to change but seemed unable to make it happen for good.  I remember pondering on why it was so hard for some people to control what they fed to their bodies.  No one was physically forcing a brownie into their mouths.  My compassion was not where it needed to be at that point because I had not yet experienced........

The Thorn in MY flesh.

I was recently talking with someone I admire very much and he said to me something along the lines of: "it is in vain for us to consciously be breaking a commandment on a regular basis and expect our prayers - our personal conversations with God - to be truly sincere." 

The second he said it I felt a twinge of guilt within my spirit.  I was consciously breaking a commandment without any consistent effort on my part to change.  For years the words of the Lord in D&C 88:124 had nagged at my conscience:

"Retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, 

that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated."

For the first few years I came up with reasons trying to justify why that counsel did not apply to me.  Then I became a little more teachable and began thinking "I need to obey this and I will........when the summer comes and it is lighter in the mornings."  Then the summer would come and I wouldn't change my habit.  So I would decide it would be easier for me to go to bed early in the winter when it was dark earlier, but that would not change it.  I decided that I needed to schedule exercise commitments early in the mornings a few times a week to make me get up early but I only ended up sleeping in much later on the other mornings.  I started setting timers and reminders for myself but that did not work.  I finally decided that it was my husband's fault and if he changed his work schedule then I would start going to bed early - well, he drastically changed his work schedule and I was still climbing into bed at midnight.

I finally realize what it means to have a thorn in MY flesh- a habit that seems bigger than my ability to change it.  I had tried and failed, and tried and failed, and tried and failed, and tried and failed..... 

Finally I just decided that I would obey it for sure--- at some point in the future and that is where I left it.  Then I had this conversation and realized that my prayers had not been sincere and filled with the Spirit.  This was not because I was still staying up late but because I was not STILL TRYING to overcome the habit.  

When we are struggling with very difficult thorns in our flesh, as long as we are still trying to overcome them, that is precisely when our prayers will be as sincere and meaningful as can be.  

God knows we will have setbacks - He expected it from the very beginning which is why He provided a Savior for us.  He is not concerned so much in us failing when we try - but He is certainly concerned if we fail to try again.

“That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed but that our power to do has increased.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

So, I am trying again!  And I will keep trying, and trying, and trying, knowing that as long as I am sincerely trying the Lord will make up the rest - and my personal conversations with Him will be meaningful.

I know there are blessings attached to this particular law.  I have felt the increased productivity and order that prevails in our home when we live life this way and I want to master this habit for good.  I know that I can and will in time with God's help as long as I do my part to just keep trying.  Which means I need to go get ready for bed right now!  :)  Good Night!